Sunday, July 31, 2005

Ron Gardenhire

I can stay quiet no more. Ron Gardenhire sucks. There are many reasons for this. I went over one yesterday, when I talked of his use of Terry Mulholland in games within 25 runs.

But today, I want to talk about how he sets his lineup. For example, today, he decided to put Terry Tiffee is the cleanup spot. Tiffee's a decent player, probably will never be more than a bench player, but he's not terrible. However, he just got called up from the Minors a week ago. He doesn't have that much power (career .429 SLG in the Minors). He hasn't done particularly well this year. We had other options. Justin Morneau is a better hitter this year, and barrin something unexpectedc, will be a far better hitter in the future, and should be the Twins cleanup hitter for a decade. He batted 6th. Jacque Jones is also a better hitter than Tiffee, and hits for more power. He batted 5th.

Now, why does it matter, you ask. Well, twice late in the game Tiffee came up with the bases loaded. Hiss first AB, he hit the first pitch to the warning track, long fly out. Second AB with the bases loaded, he wrks the count to 2-2 before flailing (and I'm being generous calling it flailing) at a 2-2 fastball. Twins lose 4-3.

And don't even get me started on Juan Castro. He's a horrible, horrible hitter. At times, he's batted in the 2 hole this year. Seriously, he's one of the worst hitting starters in the MLB.

I've come to the conclusion that Ron Gardenhire has no brain.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Terry Mulholland

Pretend, for a moment, that you're running a Major League Baseball team. Pretend that team is in the middle of a playoff race. Pretend that team has no offense. Now pretend you are faced with the decision of whether or not to keep a 42 year-old pitcher with a 5.98 ERA on the roster. If you said no, you wouldn't, congratulations, you've got more sense than Terry Ryan.

Let's say, however, that you are the manager of this rag-tag group, and by some unfortunate circumstance, this 42 year-old guy that can't pitch anymore was on your roster. Would you pitch him in any game within 5 runs? Would 5 runs even be enough? If you say no, you wouldn't, congratulations, you have more sense than Ron Gardenhire.

At one time in his life, Terry Mulholland was probably a fine pitcher. Now, he's 42 years-old, with a 5.98 ERA, a WHIP that's over 1.5, and opponents are hitting over .300 against him. He is comicly bad on the mound (14 K in 62 IP). He's not going to get any better (heck, he's getting worse). His ERA since the All-Star break is over 12.

Still, this is not enough to get rid of him. Anyone that knows anything about baseball knows this man should not be on the roster. The Twins have multiple viable options in AAA, that are better right now, and *gasp* they could get even better. On one Twins board I frequent, he's nicknamed The Old Man (TOM for short). It is painfully obvious to every Twins fan that TOM sucks. Deep down, I bet he knows it too.

But still, Ryan keeps him on the roster. Gardenhire puts him in ballgames. Today, he was put into a 3-0 ballgame, and promply gave up 3 ER while only recording one out. Gardenhire may as well wave a white flag when he puts Mulholland in any ballgame.

Minnesota Twins, I beg you, cut him, put him on waivers, trade him, anything. Just get him off the roster.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Worst TV Ideas Ever Pt. 2

We saw #6-10 yesterday, and we'll finish our countdown of the worst TV ideas in history, and then move on to the best ideas. Let's jump in.

5. Golf/NASCAR - Maybe it's just me (and judging by ratings, it probably is), but how is this entertainment. Golf, maybe. But NASCAR? The Left Turn Circuit? Guys drive around in cars for a couple hundred miles. How can this possibly be exciting?

4. Jeff Brantley - Why, ESPN, why? Brantley is horrible. He has no redeeming value. Even Morgan and McCarver are better than this guy. He's got an irritating voice, and he's an idiot. Seriously, Ron Dibble would be right here with him, but I don't see him much anymore, which is good. Unfortunately, for one of the Twins/Yankees playoff series, he was on the crew. I barely made it through the series. Just awful.

3. Reality TV - I liked Survivor a little back in the day, but enough is enough. All of these dating shows are not reality, it's people acting. Reality TV is all MTV is these days (I think, I don't watch it anymore). Even ESPN ventured into the reality TV area, and, IMO, failed miserably. Please, make it stop.

2. Around the Horn - Competes with only the Andy Milonakis Show as the worst show on TV. Whoever the host is now is decent enough, but Woody Paige? Tim Cowlishaw? Worst of all, Jay Mariotti? These guys are bumbling idiots. How do they get a job as a newspaper writer, let alone a job on national TV. Seriously, I'm smarter than half the people on the show, and that's not good.

1. John Kruk - Of all the crap that ESPN employs (and there's a lot), no one is worse than Kruk. He was a crappy ballplayer, but his baseball career is HOF-like compared to his TV career. He's got an annoying voice, he's an idiot, and he's not exactly camera-friendly. This is a guy that contended that Curt Schilling deserved the Cy Young last year over Johan Santana because he played in a bigger market with more pressue. He routinely says that the pitcher with the most wins should be Cy Young. I guess Matt Clement should have the Cy Young this year, because he's been successful and he plays in Boston.

Hiring John Kruk was the worst idea anyone in television has ever had. And the sad thing is, they don't even know it.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Worst TV Ideas Ever

I've made a lost of the 10 Worst TV Ideas ever, and the 11 best (I couldn't narrow it down). I'll start off with the first half of the worst ideas ever, because I think writing about the best ideas will be more fun. But without further ado, here they are.

10. Law & Order SVU - Ice-T? - Don't get me wrong, this is a quality show, and I enjoy it, but Ice-T? What's he doing on the show? He's a rapper, not a detective. Maybe it's just me, but he seems to fit the role terribly. But maybe they're just trying to reach another audience with him.

9. Joey - Friends was an excellent show. The 6 stars were very good in their roles. Joey, well that was another story. I like Matt LeBlanc, but he's just not the same without Chandler.

8. Joe Morgan/Tim McCarver - I won't go into too much detail, because most everyone knows these guys suck. Badly. Here's some websites if you don't believe me.

Shut Up Tim McCarver
Fore Joe Morgan Blog

7. MTV - no music? - The very name MTV (Music Television) implies that there should be some sort of music. But near as I can tell, it's all crappy reality TV. Sure, they have TRL, but depending on who you ask, that's not music. MTV has to be one of the worst channels on TV right now, and that's too bad.

6. Trying to put Jason Alexander in another role - This was a problem for all the Seinfeld characters, you try to put them in another role, but it just doesn't work. Jason Alexander (George) has tried with such shows as Shallow Hal, and I think some show on CBS about Tony Kornheiser, but it just doesn't work. Kramer, who's real name escapes me at this moment, was amazing in that role, but just wouldn't fit in another role. It's a shame really, but George will always be George.

Coming up... Worst TV Ideas #1-5.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


The Twins finally pulled out another victory tonight, 4-3 over the Orioles. They are now 2-4 since the AS Break, with all games being 1-run games. Once again, they got very good pitching, but couldn't hit the ball, until they finally turned it on in the 9th. With Joe Mauer on first, Shannon Stewart struck out. On that pitch, Mauer stole second, and the Orioles threw it into CF, allowing Mauer to advance to third. On the next pitch, Ryan threw a wild pitch, allowing Mauer to score. LeCroy walked, Hunter singled, and then Jacque Jones hit an infield single to win it.

With this win, the Twins are now 12 back of the Chi Sox, and are tied for the wild card lead with the Yankees. Brad Radke is on the mound tomorrow night against Baltimore, looking to get the series win.

Monday, July 18, 2005

I don't know what to title this.

With one comment in the past two days (and from a guyn who just wanted me to post in his blog!), and me being kind of lazy tonight, and still preparing ideas for my next couple of ideas, I leave you all with these lyrics.

I don’t know where I’m going
But, I sure know where I’ve been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
An’ I’ve made up my mind,
I ain’t wasting no more time
But, here I go again
Here I go again

Tho’ I keep searching for an answer,
I never seem to find what I’m looking for
Oh lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on,
’cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

An’ here I go again on my own
Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a hobo* I was born to walk alone
An’ I’ve made up my mind
I ain’t wasting no more time

I’m just another heart in need of rescue,
Waiting on love’s sweet charity
An’ I’m gonna hold on
For the rest of my days,
’cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

An’ here I go again on my own
Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a hobo* I was born to walk alone
An’ I’ve made up my mind
I ain’t wasting no more time

But, here I go again,
Here I go again,
Here I go again,
Here I go...

An’ I’ve made up my mind,
I ain’t wasting no more time

An’ here I go again on my own
Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a hobo I was born to walk alone
’cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

An’ here I go again on my own
Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a hobo I was born to walk alone
An’ I’ve made up my mind
I ain’t wasting no more time...

But, here I go again,
Here I go again,
Here I go again,
Here I go,
Here I go again...

Sunday, July 17, 2005

My suggestion for TV and Movie Producers Part 2

The sequel to Part 1. The first one had to do with somethinng that I would find funny in a show, but this one is different.

This one deals with making the audience feel emotional, or get goosebumps. Basically, the music has as much to do with this as the actual scene itself. Therefore, I have created some suggestions for appropriate music.

Funeral - The best song for this situation seems to be "Amazing Grace." Perhaps sung by an adult choir, or something of that nature. Another appropriate song is "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas. However, having Will Ferrell sing this song, with Vince Vaughn saying, "That's what old people do. They die." is not going to get much emotion from the audience.

Now, let's say you want to show some old, sad scenes from a person's childhood. Usually, and I have no clue why, they'll usually show these scenes in black and white. The best music for his situation is "Dream On" by Aerosmith, or "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin.

Another way is to have an older character slowly dying from something like cancer, or to have a young kid dying, with the parents standing by in anguish. The classic example of this, in my mind, is Dr. Mark Green on ER. He was dying of something, and as he lay in his hosptial bed near death talking to his family, they played "Somewhere over the Rainbow", which was very effective for them. Another example of music bringing emotion is in Rudy, at the end of the movie when he came on to the football field, and they had the dramatic instrumental music, with the proud parents looking on. That one gets me everytime.

Of course, if you do want something humorous, you can always bring out "Don't Fear the Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult, with Bruce Dicksinon saying, "I need some more cowbell!", or possibly the best SNL line ever, "I put my pants on the same way you guys do, one leg at a time. The only difference is that when my pants are on, I make gold records." Now that gets me every time.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

The Mic Phenomenon

I am here to write about the Mic Phenomenon, which I have named. This relates slightly yo my entry about The Best Job Ever. From what I have noticed, when you put someone in front of a mic, they'll do their best to be a comedian, and this is something I like to call the Mic Phenomenon. We've all seen it, we just might not recognize. Put an unfunny person in front of a microphone, and if their not overly shy, invariably they'll try to be funny.

For example, when I graduated from high school, there was one parent who would always go up to introduce the next person, etc. Without fail, she'd crack a bad joke in that time. The thing about it is, I know I'd do the same thing. You would too. It's natural. If you're talking into a microphone, chances are someone's listening. So you try to impress them. Usually, you miserably fail. That's the Mic Phenomenon at work. Remember it the next time you speak in front of a mic.

Friday, July 15, 2005

My suggestion for TV and Movie producers everywhere.

Mainly for comedy guys. In every TV show or movie, there are extras. Guys that walk in the background, guys that talk on the phone, etc. These are normally just regular people that you don't even notice. But what if we made some a little more noticeable?

This is an idea me and a friend of mine had. Say you're watching a TV show, and all of a sudden a guy that looks like Abe Lincoln orders a cup of coffee in the background? How about if George Washington bumps into the main character, says "excuse me" and just walks on by? Maybe have Julius Caesar use the telephone in the background?

I promise you this, if I ever create a TV show or movie, I'm going to do this. The key is not to make a big deal out of it. Just have them walk by very innocently, doing things a normal any other extra would do. How humorous would that be, especially if you're not expecting it? Hilarity would ensue.

By the way, I've only gotten one article request thus far. Remember you can e-mail me or PM me or post a comment on here about what you'd like me to write about, and I'll do it in time. Otherwise I'm going to run out of stuff to talk about. :)

My Favorite Song of the Moment: "Walk of Life" by Dire Straits

Random Funny Quote:

Elaine Dickinson: Would you like something to read?
Woman: Do you have anything light?
Elaine Dickinson: Umm, how 'bout this leaflet: "Famous Jewish Sports Legends"?

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Ouija Board

I've always been skeptical about supernatural things such as the Ouija Board, but the more I think about it, the more skeptical I become. Think about it, not only do you have to somehow contact a spirit, but that spirit has to speak your native tongue.

Now, how many times have you heard of someone using the Ouija Board to contact a spirit, and the spirit answering back in Spanish? Is it like a general ghost rule that they only speak English? When someone is trying to use a Ouija Board using English, does a Spanish speaking ghost attempt to contact them, only to be pulled back by a English speaking ghost, and having them reply? Or are all ghosts fluent in all languages of the world? Think about that next time you try to contact the spirit world.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

My sense of humor.

Since hopefully one or two of you will read this, I thought I'd share a little about myself, and my sense of humor. I've been told I have good one-liners, though that is basically just in conversation. I once told someone that I'm not going to be the Best Actor, but I can fill the Supporting Actor Role. Now, mainly I just like to make fun of things, whether it be people or otherwise. I do it in a joking manner, which is ok because I can take the jokes too. (go ahead, make fun of me, see if i care!)

I can't think of the word, but I like to make fun of or mock popular phrases. Parody is the word I was thinking of, actually. Anyway, in case you have no clue what I'm talking about, here's a couple of examples that I can remember.

Other: I have to pee like a racehorse.
Me: I actually have to go like a thoroughbred at this point.

Other: I fell for it.
Me: I tripped for it, but I stayed on my feet.

Other: I'll probably study abroad my junior year.
Me: I don't get it. You're just going to study one lady, or one broad? How is this going to help?

Other: I'm gonna go grab a bite to eat.
Me: I'd probably get more than that, I don't know if a bite's gonna hold you for very long.

Anyway, in hindsight this stuff isn't very funny, but I l thought it was humorous at the time. Anyway, that's all I've got. Pretty boring.

Random Quote that I think is funny: " I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in." Jerry Seinfeld in The Ex-Girlfriend.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Best job ever.

I've done some thinking, and I'm pretty sure I know what the best job ever is.

Airline pilot.

But not for the reason you think. Sure, it'd be fun to fly to world, but I think the biggest perk of the job would be the privledge of talking into the microphone to the passengers. Seriously, you could say whatever you wanted, being that nobody really listens anyway.

"Uh, this is your captain speaking. Our departure time is 10:31 AM. I had bacon and eggs this morning for breakfast. The weather looks good right now, at about 65 degrees. I'm a big Apple Juice drinker, because it realls clears out my system. So we should be arriving at about..."

Or if you're really having a bad day...

"Good afternoon, this is your captain speaking. We've got cloudy skies today, 61 degrees out there. My wife just left me. Married for 21 years, but she's been cheating the last 10. Except a little turbulence when we get up to a higher altitude. Yeah, I flew home early one day without telling her, and there she was, with another man. I hope you're comfortable, because we've got a long flight ahead of us. Apparently, being a pilot puts you on the road a lot. Any young kids out there, don't become a pilot and try to have a family. It just doesn't work. My kids hate me, my wife left me. We'll be arriving at the destination at 3:42 PM. Enjoy your flight!"

Now, I think this would be a great perk of the job. Half the cabin would have no idea what you just said, the other half would be too confused to respond, and you get to vent about whatever you want. A win-win situation!


Hello everyone!

This is my first crack at a blog. I've been thinking about starting one for a few weeks now, but figured I'd start it now so that if it's a miserable failure and no one reads it will only be that much sooner that I regain my dignity!

But anyway, as the name implies, I'll basically write about anything that comes to mind. Any random observations I have, any sports thoughts I have (especially during football season), or anything else that I can think of, I'll probably put on here. I'll hopefully have a good time writing this, and hopefully at least one or two people will enjoy reading it. Some other things I'll have on here are little things about my favorite song at the moment, or a random quote that I think is funny.

One other feature that I have not found anywhere else is that you the reader can tell me what to write about. That's right, you can either post a suggestion here, email me ( or send me a PM at one of the message boards I post at (username: twins15), and in due time I will write about whatever you tell me to write about. Bad ploy to get people to read this? Maybe. But I'll leave that up to you.

That's all I've got for now! Hopefully someone out there will enjoy this blog!