Sunday, December 11, 2005

Sportscenter Phrases

While Sportscenter has jumped the shark, the old days produced some quality catchphrases, mainly from guys like Kenny Mayne (my personal favorite ESPN guy of all-time, Criag Kilborn, and maybe Rich Eisen. Here's a list of some of my favorite Sportscenter catchphrases.

Rece Davis - "Dunk you very much." - Nice, simple, and to the point.
Craig Kilborn - "He's not my vydas. He's not your vydas. He's Arvydas." - one of my favorites ever.
Kenny Mayne - "Your puny ballparks are too small to contain my gargantuan blasts! Bring me the finest meats and cheeses for a clubhouse feast!"
Kenny Mayne - "I am amused by the simplicity of this game."
Kenny Mayne - "Tell them what they've won... it's an American League baseball game."
Kenny Mayne - "But we all know that games aren't played on paper...they are played by little men inside our TV sets." - quite possibly the best phrase ever uttered on Sportscenter.
Kenny Mayne - "Not in this game, that'd be a record."
Kenny Mayne - "Jeff Gordon takes the checkered flag, and he'll have to give it back for the next race." - i'm a big fan of making fun of or parodying normal english phrases, and so this is funny to me.
Kenny Mayne - "He scored [number] off the bench. Had he been on the bench, he'd have been out of bounds." - see the one right before this. i'm a big fan of this type of humor.
Kenny Mayne - "That's his first homerun/goal. The media pressure will be intense for his second."
Kenny Mayne - "[Football player] has decided to tackle people on behalf of the [NFL team]. Terms of the contract are not disclosed, but we believe it has something to do with money."
Keith Olberman - "It's deep, and I don't think it's playable." - not sure why i like this one so much. maybe because it's become fairly popular.
Dan Patrick - "You can't stop him, you can only hope to contain him." - another one that has become popular, and is very solid all around.
Stuart Scott - "Cool as the other side of the pillow." - scott has developed into an awful anchor, but i'm still a very big fan of this catchphrase.

Anyway, perhaps I have a little too much love for Kenny Mayne, but that guy was awesome. If he became an anchor again, I would actually watch the show again on a regular basis. Of the newer guy, I like Neil Everett, though I don't know if he still is an anchor. He kinda had the same style as Kenny Mayne, very dry and sarcastic sense of humor. I also like Kevin Frazier and Trey Wingo. Unfortunately, we get guys like Stuart Scott who just ruins the show. Until next time, if you're scoring at home... or even if you're alone, adios.

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