Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Best job ever.

I've done some thinking, and I'm pretty sure I know what the best job ever is.

Airline pilot.

But not for the reason you think. Sure, it'd be fun to fly to world, but I think the biggest perk of the job would be the privledge of talking into the microphone to the passengers. Seriously, you could say whatever you wanted, being that nobody really listens anyway.

"Uh, this is your captain speaking. Our departure time is 10:31 AM. I had bacon and eggs this morning for breakfast. The weather looks good right now, at about 65 degrees. I'm a big Apple Juice drinker, because it realls clears out my system. So we should be arriving at about..."

Or if you're really having a bad day...

"Good afternoon, this is your captain speaking. We've got cloudy skies today, 61 degrees out there. My wife just left me. Married for 21 years, but she's been cheating the last 10. Except a little turbulence when we get up to a higher altitude. Yeah, I flew home early one day without telling her, and there she was, with another man. I hope you're comfortable, because we've got a long flight ahead of us. Apparently, being a pilot puts you on the road a lot. Any young kids out there, don't become a pilot and try to have a family. It just doesn't work. My kids hate me, my wife left me. We'll be arriving at the destination at 3:42 PM. Enjoy your flight!"

Now, I think this would be a great perk of the job. Half the cabin would have no idea what you just said, the other half would be too confused to respond, and you get to vent about whatever you want. A win-win situation!


TBG said...

Interesting ideas!! Except:

A.) I've met a few airline pilots and they were all miserable sons of bitches.

B.) I'm not sure that airlines let pilots fly their planes home "to surprise their wives" but I get your drift.

Does apple juice really clear your system? I'll have to try it out!

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