Saturday, January 14, 2006

What would you do with a drunken sailor?

early in the morning?

Anyway, I just wanted to post some of my random thoughts that I have written on people's Facebook walls in the past few weeks. Most of these have come late at night, when I am tired, bored, and not really thinking straight. As you will be able to tell.

sorry jenny, you got me all riled up now. and when i get riled up, i can't help but talk about some of the shortcomings of the late, great, saved by the bell. namely, the fact that zack and ac are such good friends with screech. c'mon, screech is a big nerd, zack and ac are the most popular guys in school. this is not realistic. and then, there's the saved by the bell episodes when they're in college. and i'll be honest, i'm jealous of them. not only did they go to high school with kelly kapowski, but they are all three living in the same dorm room, and across the living room (a living room in the dorm? i wish i was lying) are three girls. not only are they in a huge room that has a living room outside of it, they share that living room with three girls. where do the creators of the show get this stuff? how do they have the audacity to put this on the air and expect me to keep quiet about it. i will not, i cannot hold it in any longer. saved by the bell was the greatest show ever created, but these inconsistencies are very inconsistent. or something like that. and do not even get me started on saved by the bell the new class. i have just decided to pretend that never existed. what an awful, awful show. and while we're talking about awful things, how about the play romeo and juliet. great play, but awful in the sense that it is a heartbreaking story that all stems from the fact that the capulets and montagues could not get along. a rose by any other name would indeed smell as sweet, which is what is so infuriating about these two "families." put this through your thick skulls capulets and montagues, you killed your kids. yes, they acted very immaturely and irrationally, but it all stemmed from the actions of the families, so yes, capulets and montagues, i do bite my thumb at you. in fact, i bite both thumbs at you, because this cannot go on. the families have gotten a free ride for far too long, and it is time for that to change. as bob marley said, i can see clearly now, as no longer are my eyes blurred from the tears of romeo and juliet's death, which did not need to happen. but soft, what light through yonder window breaks? for it is the east and juliet is the sun. RIP romeo and juliet.

you know what else is precious? porcelain china. but not so much the country china. i'll be honest, i've never been there, and i probably never will be there. it just doesn't appeal to me. neither does poetry. i just don't get it. you got something to say, say it. don't write it out in rhymes. same thing for the opera. again, if they have something to say, they should just say it instead of singing it in high voices. some might say i'm just not cultured enough to appreciate poetry or the opera, but i think i just like being forthcoming, something that prose and regular conversation offers. and speaking of offers, spam sucks. i'm a much bigger fan of turkey or bologna. the sandwich was a good invention. whoever thought of putting a soup and sanwich together in one meal, well, that's just genius. genius that is not so dissimilar to the head nod. i like the head nod. i like what it stands for. "i don't want to talk to you, you don't want to talk to me, but well, i'll at least acknoledge you." it's really the polite way to be impolite, and i like that. of course, the head nod is not overly forthcoming, which would seem to directly contradict what i said earlier. and maybe it does. and maybe that's why the head nod is so much like poetry. they both have a deeper meaning. the opera, however, i don't believe really has a deeper meaning. or maybe it does and i'm just not seeing it. your thoughts? what could be the deeper meaning about guys running around in tight pants and singing alto? or do they not wear tight pants? now i'm confused. sorry for rambling, it's late. please forgive me. but just remember, the head nod is like poetry, but not like the opera.

(ps look at my new interests. well, they've always been my interests, but now i just put them down. after all, i can't put all my interests down in that space, just a select few. think of if i did put every single interest i have into that space. there would be mayhem or possibly even carnage. well, maybe not. i'm probably exaggerating. or using hyperbole. which is a strange word, when you think about it. now that i've got you thinking, how did jonah get swalled by a whale? has this ever happened to anyone else in the history of the world? i doubt it. that'd be a nice feat. you know what else would be a nice feat? discovering an element. you really have to be on the top of your scientific game to discover an element. but you know what's not cool? discovering an element and then naming it something stupid like californium. what an awful name. if you discovered an element, what would you name it? if you were a hot dog, would you eat yourself? i know i would, and i'd wash it down with a cold budweiser. you know what happens to ross when he drinks too much? well, yes you do, no need for me to go over it here. you ever been in a turkish prison? do you like movies with gladiators? and speaking of gladiators, what a strange life they had to live. i imagine that if you were a gladiator, it would be hard to have emotional security. you'd always be fighting for your life. literally. now THAT'S a tough life. and that's all i have to say about that)

i like to take the bull by the horns, so to speak. to use a cliche, i like to look at the bright side of life. try new things. the grass is indeed greener on the other side. in my book, laughter is the best medicine. live and learn, i say, because if not you're between a rock and a hard place. and if you get confused, remember, there is harmony is disharmony. i'm not a big fan of cliches, but just know that every rose has its thorn, and there is light at the end of the tunnel. because time will tell, that when your ship comes sailing in, and when God gives you lemons, you make lemonade. after all, such is life, and it's getting sucher and sucher. to use a bad cliche, i used to think i had it bad because i had no shoes, then i met a man with no feet. because at the end of the day, life sucks, and then we die. because well, when it rains it pours, and when the pony dies, the ride is over. c'est la vie. i'll close with a cliche. no pain, no gain. just remember that george.

Well uh, I was meaning to write more, but I've been busy and have had some computer problems. But since I'm here, I have to tell you that I think E.L. Fudge is probably the most underrated cookie, with Oreo being the most overrated. Yes, Oreo's are good, but they are not the cookie to end all cookies. E.L. Fudge doesn't get enough press. And speaking of cool things, the gorilla is the coolest animal, bar none. And Art Vandelay is the coolest fake name ever, with a latex salesman as the coolest fake job ever. (George Costanza) How much wood could Chuck Woolery cut if Chuck Woolery could chuck wood? That's what I want to know. You know what else I want to know? Who had the idea for Saved by the Bell The New Class? I will not rest until that man is fired. Big money big money no whammy no whammy! Did you know Woodrow Wilson's first name was Thomas? I bet not, not enough people do. And that's an injustice that's needs to be rectified.

Heh, that is humorous, and you can take that to the bank. And speaking of banks, I agree with Bob Hope when he said, "A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it." I thought that was clever, and not ignorant at all. But speaking of ignorant, here's what the former Utah Jazz President Frank Layden said about one of his players, "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.' " But at the end of the day George, I just want to be treated with respect, much like Torrin Polk, a former University of Houston WR was by his coach. He said, ""He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

And while we're on the subject, how long do you think it was before Rip Van Winkle slept again. I mean, after you sleep for 20 straight years, do you just go to bed the next night like nothing happened? Wouldn't sleeping for 20 straight years throw your circadian rhythm way off? Wouldn't you always be a little leery about taking a nap after your last nap resulted in a 20 year hibernation? Would he set his alarm like 5 times to make sure he wakes up? Would he just have someone else make sure to wake him up? How hungry would you be after sleeping for 20 straight years? Anyway, I could go on for hours with Rip Van Winkle questions, but I'll stop here.

how you doing? better than the ozone layer, i hope. take it easy. or hard. whichever you prefer. it's all about your convenience. just like convenience stores. why do they put locks on 24 convenience stores? why is the sky blue? we may never know. well, some people probably will. you might know. i probably won't. and i'm ok with that. ignorance is bliss.

Please don't think less of me.

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